Draco Malfoy and the Pregnancy Test
by 1987-00
Summary: Before an important event, Draco realizes there is something he strongly resists. A radioactive Dramione.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. I do own completing the story's fine structure.

**Real Universe. Heavy metal humor remix. Genre: comedy action.**

**It's been rated NC-17 on another site but I disagree. I think it's R, 'coz NC means porn or perverse, and basically for the sake of itself, and this is just infinitely stern. And why ****would** innocence** have the R-rating these days, I don't**** know.  
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**Warnings:**

1. This is fiction, fiction, fiction… everything is based on actual events, to include the ones yet to come.

2. The author is deeply shocked by the author's own creation. NC-84. God damn fanfiction.

3. The author is hoplessly heterosexual.

4. The book discloses certain deceits.

**The naivete rating: 6 out of 10.**  
><strong>Series: 3D Draco: re-enactment  Forbidden Forest**

_Author's Note: Honestly, I've just had an allergy attack after all the Dramionas I've read.))))))_ _I am strongly tempted to turn this into an original (some sci-fi - 'cos I have NEVER been much into the fantasy genre, I, in fact, detest it - so the origins of **this** remains widely foggy) because I really love the story that initially began as pure wicked fun. The virtues of the translation are improving._

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Disclamer#2: I am not having a crush on Tom Felton, who is ... pretty scary... okay, simply very young yet…He has been of great help as an actor. DM has been actually portrayed from myself here, me being... JK rescued me with not Harry Potter. The mere sound of the words 'Draco Malfoy' heats me up)))) This character, to me, is a lot more attractive, yet JK remains remarkably numb about him – or one-dimensional. He is sort of a mystery for such researchers, I know…

**Dedication: HP-3 (the Prisoner of Azkaban – the line of events and the characters' appearance), to Richard Branson (Virgin Records) and to JWD (Phoenix, AZ).**

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_Father said I can keep the hippogriff's head. I'll hang it in the Gryffindor's common room. That's going to be funny. _

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_- I think that funny! - said Hermione indignantly._

_- Oh, tremendously funny!- echoed Malfoy.- Really witty._

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_- "Riddikulus!" said the class together._

_- Oh, what bullshit! - spat Malfoy, his arm in a bandage. And shot a glance at Hermione._

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_-This is very easy,- Malfoy drawled, loud enough for Harry to hear him._

_- I bet you're not dangerous at all, are you?- he said to the hippogriff. - Are you, you_

_great ugly brute?_

…_"You think he'll be all right?" said Hermione nervously._

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_But, Sir! We haven't got as far as_ _werewolves yet, we're still on …"_

_"Quiet! Page three hundred. And ninety. Four. _

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_- Furthemore, the werewolf only responds to the call of his own kind..._

_-Au-u-u-uw!_

_- Thank you, Mister Malfoy._

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_-Aaau-u-uw!_

_- Hermione, what are you doing!_

_- Saving your life!_

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_...If you succeed tonight more than one innocent life may be spared..._

_This is a Timeturner. We must understand what should be changed.  
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**Chapter 1. Intro. Draco's Testimony.**

_- A-ho-ha-aaaah!_

_- Fortuna Major._

_- No, wait. A-hoh-ha-aaaaargh!_

_- Fortuna Major. Here: listen! She just won't let me in!_

_- No, no, no,no, wait. Watch this! A-hoh-ha-aaaargh! A-hoh-ha-AAAAAARGH! - the Fat Lady screamed bloody murder and smashed the glass herself against a column. - Amazing, enchanting my voice!_

_- Fortuna Major!_

_- Is alright. Go in._

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_- Harry! You, too, realize, what tree this is?_

_- That's not good..._

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Draco would never forget the day Harry Potter was murdered. It was autumn, a rainy, slushy November, its end...

Death Eaters surrounded him as a trap-circle – a situation in which Potter discovered himself _way_ too often.

Lucious Malfoy's foot was the first to step onto a small clearing in the woods, secured within a mile radius, where the heroic Potter was devotedly awaiting for Death to loose. All had been arranged finely – even an anti-apparition barrier had been set up. The Trio of Idiots had just quit snooping the difference in the frontier line of today and the day before and had called a short halt before a dash back to the Base in the early autumn twilight. Who the hell was the decaying old fool to allow the Chosen One out for an ordinary reconnaissance trip?

They had been carefully "herded" for a month already, because Lord was getting tired of the war and was inclined to sample its fruits faster, and – this was one of the carefully selected ways to do so, unified awe supporting its birth. A mission to end up in astounding success – who'd have expected anything else when dealing with the dolty Griffindorks as rivals? Lucious' coming into the view made Weasly leap to his feet – but he was neatly cropped down by a sure Death-Eater's hand from the other side of the clearing. A stunning hex sent Granger in repose – she'd gone into the bushes on her girly needs, but, wrong luck, she'd been on the target with Parkinson all of this time. Potter went at a loss gracefully, as he usually would, first thing in danger. Not for long, a mere second, probably – but that was enough. Enough for the Army of Light to lose.

Forever.

Lucius petrified him, waded the glade, knelt, helped himself by a lifting emrace – and then, simply slit Potter's throat with a plain knife, while gazing him in the eyes intently.

No Avada required.

You never know the outcome if you avadate Potter.

It just so happened that Hermione, who was about to return to her friends, dived clinging to the ground because of the red flash that had whistled above. She'd somehow managed to capture it a split second earlier than the fatal was bound. The survival instinct yanked her down, without consulting the brain first, in that smart head of hers, with a crew-cut, today. It all then unfolded further straight before her, and it required of her no effort to raise to the full height, aim herself as a tight bow – and the curse shot out like the sun:

- Avada Kedavra!

She was able to catch astonishment in Lucious Malfoy's eyes before he died. Harry may yet have had time to learn that Lucious was made to pay. And maybe a moment more to think of her. The Death Eaters were already streaming from all directions to her, like a tidal wave. She glimpsed the head of Malfoy-the-junior.

_My God, I've lost. I've lost more than my life. Please, help me._

She was expecting for them, shuddering, her wand lowered, shaking head to toes, harder still from her 1st murder and nothing other…

The world seemed to freeze stunned into a transparent pillar, stars-high, skraping the velvet crimson-violet skies, full of prickly juicy stars…

Marcus Flint spotted her, delayed to estimate, then drew towards lazily. On coming up he paused again, staggering slightly, as if in disbelief, then grinned and granted her a horrific, tasty blow in the head. She collapsed, obviously knocked unconscious, but he also kicked her several times properly in addition - surely causing some ribs to fracture, unless tearing something else in her inside. He heaved her onto the shoulder, like a sack of compost, and Draco saw buckshots of blood dripping heavily from her mouth to the ground. Winced at Flint, seeing him off as the latter strode away. He wasn't unfamiliar to injuries even worse than that – both magical and non-magical, but he still couldn't get used to seeing women beaten like this.

That is, to add to the knowledge that she wasn't going to be healed.

- We will fuck this bitch her head off before she is dead.

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